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Tenderloin Lullaby

by Baby Pigeon

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1.
Doom Inside 03:26
you look at me across the room and i feel doom inside cuz i can't look you in the eye and i'm too shy besides i know that it would never work and i'm a jerk and trite for never letting anyone in anyone inside i wish that i could let you in on everything i hide the other boys would blur and I'd see only you and i you'd wash away the wasted years of all the tears i cried but now i sit here lonely cuz it's only in my mind
2.
Someone 02:22
I want someone who's not afraid to be a freak Who's not scared of me I want someone I can cry on if my day is sad And I'll be someone he could lie on if his head hurts bad I want someone I can lean on and he'll lean on me And if he needed me that's where I'd be That's where I'd be I swear I'd be
3.
I thought you'd wait a million years just to hold my hand So unaware of all the flames that you had fanned I know you thought a thousand times "he doesn't care" But now i find that I'm the one thinking "love's not fair" Cuz I'm alone and you've found another And those flames, well, now they're smothered I love so far from New York City But I don't want your pity, no You know I've always lived my life from day to day But now you've seen I'll give it up anyway Cuz I'm alone and you've found another And those flames, well, now they're smothered I love so far from New York City And I don't want your pity now I know there's no excuses for the way I've been But I'm still learning what love's like between two men And now I wish I could go back and start again But wishful thinking's all I've got in the end Cuz I'm alone and you've found another And those flames, well, now they're smothered You live so far from San Francisco Sounds like a silly disco song
4.
Mistake #416 02:36
This is the last song I will ever sing for you This is the last time I will ever look at you Or look for you in me I feel lost and alone I need to hold a hand I'm standing next to no one and I don't think i can stand Stand another day Of living life this way It's the last time These are the last words you will ever hear from me This is my last chance for sanit You make me feel alone but i need to hold your hand You've made me feel like I need more than two legs just to stand I'll stand another day But I won't live life this way It's the last time, again
5.
Run Away 03:21
Before you wake I'll be chasing stars Gone away afar from here It hurts my eyes to see you play the role Selling off your soul in parts It makes you cold and then I feel alone I know I should have known this too And I can't take hating how you feel Wondering what is real and lies It's time you knew where I'm coming from I don't want to run from you But if I'm here I won't be alive My light will have died for you And I won't stay, this is killing me That's no way to be in love And I don't know what I'm gonna do The thought of leaving you hurts so much
6.
He was the one I was waiting for but when I opened up he slammed the door and I know I'm probably better off without him (lovey lovey love, birds and flowers come, nestle in your hair) BUT NOW I'M LYING HERE QUIETLY WATCHING THE POUNDING FIST THAT I WISHED COULD BE LOVE AND I'M CONFUSING MYSELF CONSTANTLY OVER WHAT I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE He always said I gave him more but when it comes to love who's keeping score? When I close my eyes I know I'll dream about him (he always said that, I could never get what the problem was) BUT NOW I'M LYING HERE QUIETLY WATCHING THE POUNDING FIST THAT I WISHED COULD BE LOVE AND I'M CONFUSING MYSELF CONSTANTLY OVER WHAT I COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE
7.
In My Sleep 02:32
I can't pretend that I don't see what I've become A lonely, sad, frustrated boy without anyone I can't pretend I didn't make it all happen I'm always waiting for the night when the day is done And I dream of kisses on the cheek from a boy I see I'm wasting all my wishes in my sleep cuz he's with me We live together in a house that he keeps clean It doesn't matter what we do because we're free We want for nothing but a place where we can be Outside of my head and into reality And I dream of kisses on the cheek from a boy I see Just let me waste my wishes in my sleep cuz he's with me
8.
I Can't Wait 02:15
I can't wait beside the telephone for your ass to call I've locked my door because I'm out again hunting for a fall you knew I'd be here waiting for your call you knew I'd stay here like I've got no life at all but now i'm leaving betcha never thought I'd leave but now I'm walking now we're talking) I FALL SO LOW FLYING SOLO I'm not the kind of guy you leave alone standing by the wall Especially if I look in a zone like i'm gonna fall now my hair's blowing in the wind i feel so cool cuz now i'm learning that when it comes to me i rule and now i'm leaving all my messy past behind cuz now i'm walking now we're talking I FALL SO LOW FLYING SOLO
9.
So Cold 03:34
I don't know what you're afraid of -- success I guess? Living out your self-fulfilling prophecies is what you do best It's not like I make these decisions beforehand -- ok maybe I do "Destroy what you love before it can happen" is all that makes sense to you SO COLD, SO FAR TO SEE YOU'RE FAR TOO FAR AWAY FROM ME OUTSIDE THE WALLS CAME DOWN I SEE THAT WAY IS GONE And I never imagined that I could feel safe in my fear knowing you're there with me And I know you're just flattered but flattery spreads like disease, making my head spinny And it doesn't matter if you get it from her or from me we both hold the key you need So now that it matters it's a long way down you gave it to me she gave it to you now i've got it bad and i'll pass it on you know what you do, it comes back to you i'll learn someday I wish you knew what you were afraid of so you could see it through Because I just made this decision beforehand and I don't know what else to do
10.
Starlight 02:27
I'll admit I'm not content looking at my feet But daylight brings this burning chill and I can't stand the heat If I were old I'd move the sky But only at night when you pass me by Why must you leave me in the morning starlight? I will stay behind and wait Until I see you again tomorrow night I can't deal with this day Waking up is always hard but with you it's worse My eyes open and you're gone I wish time would reverse I roll over and close my eyes And I pretend that I'm the darkened sky Why must you leave me in the morning starlight? I will stay behind and wait Until I see you again tomorrow night I can't deal with this day
11.
Stop Him 02:12
He don't know what he's saying I don't know how to stop him From making this decision no one should make From making the biggest mistake. He don't know what he's saying I don't know how to stop him
12.
He said he would stay with me forever I know he's a liar too, today But still all I want is to believe it And I wonder what that makes me My feet on the street hurt so much I'm walking alone through the crowd And still all I want is to believe him But I'm not dumb, at least not right now too much time, way too much time visions of empty half-lifes, dirty secrets scare me by really happening so I turn the TV off and close my eyes Now I know that nothing lasts forever It's not like we'd always stay the same But then when he'd kiss me I'd believe it Guess I'll be holding myself tonight again laid out lies speak themselves just like celibate idiots make up drama when their lives become so uninteresting that they turn the TV off and go outside
13.

about

This album was recorded in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco at 620 Eddy in my ground floor, facing-the-street apartment between 1997 and 1999. It was originally released as a handmade CD with a camouflage crocheted jewel case cozie limited to 100 copies. It has now been re-released by Weird to Pop records.

credits

released January 1, 2000

everything made by baby pigeon

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Baby Pigeon Seattle, Washington

baby pigeon is alan wiley with occasional guests.

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